Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize