He uses pillows to masturbate.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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