I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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