I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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