Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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