Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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