SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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