Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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