i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize