i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
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Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's rum buckets o'clock
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