found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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