he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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