I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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