My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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