I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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