my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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