onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize