You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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