I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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