Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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