If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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