I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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