and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to walk on stilts...naked
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
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I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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