He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
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We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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