I'm lost and stupid without you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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