This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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