Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
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I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
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He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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