i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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