There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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