my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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