I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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