remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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