sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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