listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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