chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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