can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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