she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize