I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I AM VODKA MAN
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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