I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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