bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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