This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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