The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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