We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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