did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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