just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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