we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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