She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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