I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize