Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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