Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
