nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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